." I started."I am at the security desk there now sweetheart. I have to go. I want you to know that I am really sorry about this and I am going to do everything in my power to fix this. I promise I am going to give it everything that I have," she said and then the line went dead. There I was. Sitting on my bed. With a penis.I felt sort of hazy. I wanted to call my mother and tell her I wasn't feeling well. But I have never been a very good liar. She would know it was something else and she would badger me until I told her the truth and I couldn't imagine that. I wasn't really thinking straight, but I decided that the best course of action would be just to go to school and pretend like everything was normal.I couldn't imagine going into the shower and cleaning myself. All of myself. I had just showered the last afternoon after cheer practice so I decided I would just get dressed quickly and leave. I put on a white tank top, something tight where you could see my pink bra through it.. Elizaveta’s dad signed a permission slip for her to miss two afternoon classes so she can join Jocelyn, Clarissa, and me to support Liz.”“Will your mom be there?”I shrugged, “I have no idea. If she is, and she’s alone, I’m pretty sure that will be a death knell for my parents’ marriage.”“How do you feel about that?”“Shitty,” I sighed.“For you to use that word means you’re close to despair.”“Should I be jumping for joy and doing cartwheels?”“No, of course not! But untreated depression is a dangerous thing, as you well know.”“Jocelyn?”“And Angie. We tried reducing the anti-depressants a bit and she began to regress. We put her right back on the necessary dose to bring her back to what’s ‘normal’ for her.”“Cause or symptom?” I asked.“Both,” Doctor Mercer replied. “You know about feedback when you put a mic in front of a speaker? It’s like that. The depression intensifies her mild schizophrenia and that really is the key to keeping her on an even keel. And obviously avoiding triggers,.
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